Love, I’ve felt you so many times before and today you are sneaking into my heart again. Where do you want to take me this time? Should I let you lead me?
This time promise that you’ll impress me. Show me something new. Give me back the happiness you took from me, always leaving me in wanting more. Let it last long. Give me back my music. Show me your real face without hiding it behind so many different masks.
It took so much time to forgive you, Love. It took me so much time to get used to the person you turned me into.
Pour feelings in my emptied by so many souls cup. Fill it till the very top. I am tired of feeling empty. I’ve been feeling emptiness long enough.
Colour my faded in shadows world with your beautiful colors. Draw again that shiny smile on my face, add the light to my glance and I’ll become a better me.
Put a spell in my inspiration, I just cannot keep writing about what I’ve been writing before. Or better take me to the real world, where I won’t dig deep in myself, searching the roots of the questions that didn’t even need an answer… Roots of the thorns that pricked me to tears, roots of the flowers that were flowering my being. Let the time show me what I don’t know about myself.
I am 7 more kisses away from falling deeply in love. I am opening up my heart again for you… Own it. Fill it with love and I will share it.
Luna plange in lacuri, ranita de frumusetea tristetei,
Azi v-om ingropa iubirea in vascoasa densitate a cetei.
Noaptea curge greu, umpland in pahare visele de ieri,
Servim prea insetati dulceata din cupe pline de dureri.
Mai iubeste-ma o vreme, ia-ma-n somn de ma viseaza,
Mai viseaza iubirea-n fata careia ingerii ingenuncheaza.
Sa-ti cad la piept, in inima ta sa-mi fac cuib ca-ntr-o floare,
Sa ma lasi libera, sunt sortita sa fiu de-a pururi calatoare.
Zadarnic mi-e scrisul daca nu-ti poate da o zi de-a ma iubi,
Zadarnice imi sunt cantecele daca niciodata nu le vei auzi.
Am sa culc pe clapele pianului sufletu-mi intemnitat in dor,
Ce dormea pe strunele chitarei, azi am schimbat acest decor.
Alb si negru, negru si alb… Azi simt cum suferinta moare,
Iar sufletul meu devine un camp imens de crini albi in floare.
Mari taceri vor arde-n melodii, mari taceri vor arde in cuvinte,
Iubesc tacerea de cand mi-am pus in valize visele carunte.
Dar gata, internam iubirea in spital, ii prescriem amintiri ciudate,
S-a imbolnavit de dor, am lasat de prea mult timp strunele dezacordate.
Sorbind din clipele uitarii, nu mai e leac, maine in zori va muri stingher,
De data asta n-o sa incercam sa o salvam… O sa o ingropam in cer.
De parca-n vizita la ingeri te-ai fi dus, ai invatat a lor privire,
Ai invatat si sa zambesti ca ei… Am sa pastrez aceasta amintire.
De aceasta melodie de pian o ultima dorinta e agatata…
Sa te mai vad o singura data si apoi niciodata…
Hello darkness, what’s your name tonight?
I’ve heard you’re back in town, devouring the light.
I was fearless since you had stepped away last time,
But tonight we are sharing again this glass of traitor wine.
Spreading your spell, you turned our worlds upside down,
Nothing lasts forever, but nothing means anything now.
You’ve put again in our innocent eyes the pouring rain
And this tearful train is taking us nowhere again.
And we know, it’s not the kiss that makes the love,
It’s a magical, mysterious spell that comes from above,
We also know, it’s not the wings that make the angels,
You confused us, but easily, as a kiss, we’ll find the answers.
Hello little love, do not become a ghost without any color,
Wherever this darkness leads us, I’ll be your faithful lover,
Because you are the best painting this life has ever made,
I’ll be close to you and we’ll put the fear back in the shade.
But if your colorful shadow choose to leave my side,
You’d try to find the light without me; you’d choose to push me aside,
We’ll always wake up in the night, feeling that a piece of our hearts is gone,
Easily, as a falling tear, I will become a homeless woman.
Maybe we’ll be happy for ourselves, but surrounded by castles of rain
And the darkness will come to pour into our glasses wine again.
We’ll put the masks on our faces, like we did so many times,
We’ll put rules and we will draw the line again between us.
You know, there’s still a place for dreamers like us,
You know, the same tears fall from every covered by love eye.
And even if it’s too hard to talk about it, too wild to analyze,
Easily, as a breath, we’ll find an answer, hided carefully in the skies.
Let’s run from the reality, from what is right and wrong And live our life like two insane lovers, singing our love song. Let’s tell everybody that we love each other And kiss in the middle of a crowded street And the passers by will smile at us and think for themselves “How sweet”. You will take me in your arms and kiss my smile under the pouring rain, Like in romantic movies we will fall in love again and again. Let’s hug and kiss each other all night long And in the morning let’s wonder, where did the hours go? Let’s look each other in the eyes, without saying any words And try to guess the meaning of the silence that burns crazily our souls. Fill my mornings with rustling of Heaven, caress gently my head, Wake up earlier than me and bring me sweets, coffee and flowers in bed. Let’s go, in the evening, for a walk to the ocean, You’ll put your arms around me and we’ll get lost kissing in a slow motion. We’ll throw stones in the water, we’ll run chasing the birds from the shore, We will feel how this magical feeling unites us increasingly more. Let’s run through the ocean’s waves until our clothes get wet, Take them off with tenderness, under the mysterious light of sunset, Let’s celebrate our love even more naked than the first Angels, Let’s forget about the world and savor this feeling as golden as the sand. Let’s reinvent love, we’ll love like nobody did before, The life chooses us to play on the love stage this insane role. And I’m proud of what I’m feeling, I’m proud that I love you And it feels so right and heavenly because I know you feel it too. So let’s keep singing this lovely refrain, Let’s just go insane!
I died almost 9 years ago. But I am writing this not because I want to tell you how my life is here. I am writing to tell you my story, the story of my biggest love. And I want to tell you that love doesn’t die, even here, on the other side of life; even if somebody is trying to kill it; even if you are trying to kill it too. Love doesn’t die. It never dies.
We met on December 31st. I was going to celebrate New Year with my third wife and my old friends. Before meeting her, my life was so pointless that very often I asked myself: What am I living for?
Job? Yes, I liked my job. Family? I really wanted to have children, but I didn’t have any. Now I understand, the meaning of my life was to meet her. I don’t want to describe her. Well, I just cannot describe her in the way you would really understand how she is, because every word, every line of my letter is imbued with love for her. I was ready to give everything for her.
So, it was on December 31st. That night, suddenly I realized that I got lost. If she came alone, I would go to talk to her in the first minute of our meeting. But she was not alone. She was with my best friend. They knew each other just for a couple of weeks. I’ve heard about her a lot of interesting things from my friend and now I finally see her.
I went to the window. My breath has blurred the window and I wrote on it: “I love you”. I walked away and the inscription disappeared. An hour later I returned to that window. I breathed on it again and saw another inscription: “I’m yours”. My knees got weak; I couldn’t breathe for a few seconds… Everything that happened in my life before that night was delirium. My life began that night, I saw in her eyes the same thing, it’s like she was happy for the first time of her life too.
The second of January we moved into a hotel and planned to buy a small house. We kept writing for each other notes on the windows. I wrote her, “You are my dream.” She replied, “Just don’t wake up!” We were writing the most beautiful words, desires, feelings on all the windows in the hotel, on the car’s windows… It became a habit.
We were together for two months. Then I was gone. Now I come to see her only when she sleeps. I’m sitting on her bed and breathing her smell. I can not cry, but I feel pain. All these eight years she sat by the window alone in every New Year’s night, poured champagne in her glass and cried. I know she keeps writing notes for me on the windows, but I cannot read them… the windows don’t sweat anymore when I breath on them.
The last New Year was unusual. I don’t want to tell you the secrets of the afterlife, but I deserved one wish. I wanted to read her latest inscription on the window. When she fell asleep, I sat by her bed, I played with her hair, I kissed her hands and went to the window. I knew that I could see her message and I saw it: “Let me go”
This New Year is the last one that she will spend alone. My wish could come true in exchange that I would never be able to come and see her again.
This New Year’s night, when the clock strikes midnight, when all the people around have fun, when the whole universe will freeze waiting for the first breath, the very first second of New Year, she’s going to poor in her glass champagne, she will sit by the window and read my note: ”You are free to go”
I came to talk to you again… You want me to go to sleep, I know it’s late, but no… Let me talk to you, you’re the one who guarded me all this time, you’re the only one who knows me better than I do. Tonight I won’t talk to you about me, anyway you know everything that’s happening and what is going to happen with me, I really don’t care. I wanna talk to you about someone who’s far away from me, who’s probably sleeping now… Yes, she is sleeping for sure, so she’s not trying to read my thoughts and to feel what I feel. Here’s only you and me, face to face and heart to heart. You know, I’ll be fine… You know what I want from my life, so I’ll keep moving… Don’t worry about me anymore. I am on my right way.
I want you to guard her… Make her forget me. Love her more than you love me, give her everything I wanted to give. Take her on your wings to Heaven, make her smile everyday. Forget about me, Angel, forget about you. Show her the most beautiful life, the life that no one have ever lived.”
Every word, born out of his mouth, sounded calm and cold, he was completely sure about what he was saying, without additional gestures and mimics, sometimes just showing a sad smile, a smile that very soon turned into a frozen frown on his face.
“Before you’ll fly to her, I must give you something.” The Angel was watching him without saying anything, he knew everything beforehand, trying to hide his sadness he kept listening.
“This is what will remind you about what I asked you to do, keep it always with you; it will motivate you to do it with your entire being.”
“Is that what you really want?” Angel asked.
“All that I really want is she…”
He unzipped his jacket, without feeling any pain he took his heart out of his chest and gave it to Angel. His movements started to slow down… Stepping dizzy he entered his room and locked the door. He sat on the floor and sipped from the cup of coffee he had prepared especially for that moment. Holding tight his guitar, he covered the hole that’s instead his heart now.
It was late. Stars were making the night more beautiful than the day can be. Night fell over his love. It was time for him to put memories to sleep. Singing lullabies from the deepest corner of his devoured by pain soul, cooling them off in the deepest sleep guarded by eternity. Before that he watched them once again, lived every moment, he let them flow through his veins. For the last time he allowed his eyes to shed tears. For the last time he allowed himself to feel that strange, painful happiness…
Angel flew away, being unable to hide his tears throughout theflight. But he has to stop crying, because he has to make someone the happiest person in the whole universe. When he reached the girl’s house, hesaton the windowsill laying his wings on the back. She was sitting on her bed as if she was waiting for someone. When she saw the Angel she jumped from bed and asked:
“Where is he? I saw everything while I was sleeping. Is it true? He really asked you to do that?” Without waiting for an answer she continued: “I have my own Angel who’s taking care of me, he needs you!”
Through the sad smile the Angel answered: “No… all he ever needed was you.”
“Take me to him. I need to see him, to talk to him. There are so many things I didn’t tell him. I want him to know everything I feel. I want him to know that I love…” the Angel interrupted her, trying to keep the calm tone of voice, he said:
“He wanted to give you his heart, all the love that he kept inside. He was trying all this time to understand if you love him too. There also were days when he tried to forget you. He was fighting with this feeling. He was trying to empty his heart of pain while singing. You thought it’s a game, you kept playing using different roles: sometimes you were a stranger, sometimes a lover, sometimes an Angel and sometimes a Demon. Even singing all the songs in the world, he wouldn’t empty his heart, the love for you was too deep inside. Even I couldn’t help him to forget you… He gave me his heart, I’ll use it to make you happy… I’m sorry, but tonight he died.”
The girl fell on her knees and started desperately to cry: “Why? Why did you let him die? You are his Angel, you were suppose to protect him!” She could hardly speak, her heart was devoured by the flames of pain.
“I was his Angel, guarding and watching him from above, listening to his pain every night before he was going to bed, listening to his songs about you… I was helping him to move through it all, but tonight he said he doesn’t need me anymore. I couldn’t make you love him, because I wasn’t your Angel. Now I am your Angel, but it’s too late to change anything… He died of love.”
Crying out loudly she said: “Do you think I’ll ever be happy? I won’t be happy… I won’t be happy without him. I don’t need happiness if I cannot share it with him! Take my heart too, I don’t need it anymore!”
“He gave me his heart because he wanted you to be really happy… What for do you wanna give me your heart?”
“Use it to bring him back to life!”
“Do you think he gave me his heart in vain? I am an Angel, I’m not the Creator…” Angel put her on his back, spread his wings and took her on a flight that erased her memories about this love and about everything that happened in that night. After that he let her sleep, guarding and watching her smiling in her dreams.
It’s a beginning of a new chapter in her life. She doesn’t remember anything about the love she felt.. All the pages from her past life were burned andtheir ashes were scattered throughout the world from the height of an Angel flight.
She is happy… as happy as no one can be. She is seeing in her dreams a face of a stranger, she doesn’t know why, but her heart is smiling…
I do not own this song, it belongs to Lisa Marie (The Veronicas)
Lonely but not alone These city lights can not make this home And it’s too damn cold tonight And I forget all the reasons why I try
To hold you close to me You’re the only ghost I see And I want you so bad tonight So I’ll give into the longing the last time
Don’t show me mercy Because I can’t win this fight With you on my side Don’t say I’m worth it To keep me up at night When you don’t even know the price
Your green eyes make me blue How am I to run from you And do you pull me in afraid to let me go I can see the light Your perfect lips won’t win tonight Like they always do Your green eyes make me blue
I wish I could believe your lies They’re the same ones that I tried I wish I could cut all ties You go your way and I’ll go mine Get the hell out of this place Before you say my name Send my heart back up in flames I’ll never make it to the fire escape
Your green eyes make me blue How am I to run from you And do you pull me in afraid to let me go I can see the light Your perfect lips won’t win tonight Like they always do Your green eyes make me blue
Don’t show me mercy Because I can’t win this fight With you on my side Don’t say I’m worth it Just keep me up at night When you don’t even know the price
Your green eyes make me blue How am I to run from you And do you hang me this high just to watch me fall I can see the light Your perfect lips won’t win tonight Like they always do
In fiecare noapte imi golesc inima.. in zadar.. In fiecare dimineata se umple din nou. Picaturi de tine patrund in noapte, usor mangaindu-ma. La apus ma umplu cu amintiri despre noi, cu dorinta ce geme in linistea resemnarii. Sentimentele se despletesc din parul timpului zburlit de vantul pasiunii, prefacandu-se in cenusa. Scrumul zilelor in care am ars nu se scutura de pe amintiri. Zilele lungi sunt gravate pe chipul atins de tristete, care epuizat inca mai cauta atingerile si saruturile lasate de tine. Nu mai vreau sa ating ruinile ce au ramas din noi. Nu vreau sa se repete mascaradul plin de fatarnicie. Iadul de masti ce dansa peste chipuri niciodata nu a redat adevarul, nu a plans cu durere, nu a sarutat cu dragoste si nu a zambit de fericire. Masca mea nu a stiut sa ascunda sentimentele ce alunecau in privirea tradatoare si cuvintele tremurande.
O ceata de ganduri ramane pe vaz si auz, o simt prelinsa pe durere cu un un gust amar de frica ce urla in nestire, in imensul apus. I-am spus linistii sa-mi cante, sa-mi implante in patimi saruturi de ploi, ea stie ce rana ma doare si in ce intuneric adorm. Sa planga misterul, pe care l-am ars de viu, dar tot ma ademeneste si vrea sa reinvie. De m-ar lasa in pace, in odihna de veci. De-ar vrea sa ma lase pur si simplu sa traiesc… Soarta sa-si ridice panzele si sa nu privesc inapoi, sa ma arunc in goana furtunii, sa ma duca in acele brate care stiu ce inseamna dor.
Unde esti, inger? Pe unde iti calca pasul de cantec, de nu il aud? Cui ii daruiesti privirea de stele?
Tacerea nu umple golul cuvintelor nespuse iar singuratatea creste ca o floare fara parfum…
Te-am intalnit candva – zambet ciudat care mi-a inseninat existenta, deschideai portile taramului unde nu am putut patrunde decat lasandu-mi cantecul afara. Numai cu tine – pui de vis, unica mea sete de senin, treceam prin cantece si scris, umbrita de dor hoinaream prin ele.
Acum, iata-ma singura. Lung ma saruta de sus imensul cer de apus. In nestire imi adun amintirile din vant, din umbre si ploi. Din negre unghere s-a intins o tacere inalta si panze enorme de frig flutura in vant, iar visul batran poarta sub pleoape cicatricile mortii si ma ademeneste sa-i ascult la nesfarsit cantecul de dor. Il port agatat de ranile de aur cu vise bandajate, daruindu-ma dorului si insingurarii lui, melodiilor prin care trec amare ape ce izvorasc din inima impietritului mister.
Spre ce tarm ma impinge, dorule? Ma orbesti din nou cu neiertatoarele mistere, oglindesti in lacrima limpede a orei chipul vesniciei, iar pe cenusa orelor in care am ars nu mai infloreste nici un ecou de fericire. Ma inchide in el jocul, jocul fatarnic si ma intampina in drum despartirea ce ma preschimba in fum.
Prea multe vise, ametite de duhul dorului, cad prinse in lantul de moarte. Bantuita de spaime, imi duc visul prin padurile de doruri, iar tristetea imi asterne saruturi la picioare. Roua visului atarnata de geana lunii, scrie pe filele palide negre insemnari, grele intelesuri pe care in zadar incerc sa le strig.
Tu – dor salbac, nu-mi invia durerea! Nu-mi aduce infernul in piept, acum cand am stins scanteiele de plans si frumusetea mortii nu ma doare, nici amintirea chipului pierdut; acum cand imi surade in brate fericirea firavilor ani… Inceteaza sa mai cauti loc in inima mea.
She got home tonight around 7 pm, planning on doing what she always does, write her diary. She’s having it since her father gave her one when she was 17. She’s writing everything, all her thoughts and feelings goes in that little book she hides in her guitar case. No one’s touching her guitar and she knows that her diary is safe there and no one is going to climb into her soul.
As usual, she took the pen with the black ink. Sipping from her coffee she started to put words to her feelings, to share her thoughts with the pale papers of her diary.
“Dear Diary,
Today I was thinking, thinking a lot!
I’m having thoughts of driving in the rain, in the evening, when the sun worships in front of the moon, falls under her spell, gives her the sky’s kingdom. When, among the teary clouds, the pale queen is starting to dominate the night mysteries, forming a blurred reflection on the asphalt caressed by the rain.
I love rain. It speaks to my heart in a language that my heart can understand.The rain can hide the tears, but I’m not afraid to show them. This is not a weakness; it’s a state of the soul. I’m letting my fate to lead me, just like the clouds are leaded by the wind. Leaving the darker side of everything with the miles behind me, thinking through it all, loosing the memories of the years I spent in love. I will survive that and the pain won’t crush me into pieces.
When you lose someone this feeling follows you to remind how easy it is to get hurt. This feeling always stays with you. For some moments of happiness we are paying with infernal eternity of sadness. In so few days I managed to feel and to live so many feelings. I was burning terribly in the breakaway flames of passion. I was the slave of my torturing dreams in the anguish of my spiritual emptiness… My soul is longing for love, but I won’t love again. I’m gonna wear the taste of Spring on the lips, the warmth of Summer in my eyes, the smell of Autumn in my hair and the coldness of Winter in my soul. I’ll dive my heart into the cold stillness.
I’m afraid that the world is going to crush down on me if I allow myself to be happy even for some momentsand I don’t know if I can endure it. But for the first time in a long time I feel good. For once I didn’t regret the day before it begins. I welcomed the day with a smile, with an open heart, realizing that Ihaven’t died for the feeling of happiness.
I forgot him. Well, I didn’t forget him, but the memory about him doesn’t torment me anymore… Yes, it hurts anyway; I think I just got used to the pain of this woundor, perhaps I became stronger.
Strong men break down very loud. So loud that you can hear the crackle of their souls, you can see the fragments of powerthatfall on the floor. They don’t cry, they don’t ask for help. They just break down.
Why it took so long to let my doubts go? We walked long time on the same road, but I chose my own way and I wish he chose his own way too; I let him go, be happy, even if it isn’t with me. I won’t find happiness in his world, so I’m turning back to mine. I was looking for happiness in a wrong place, but I was just looking for happiness…
Now I feel different,it’s like I got alive and I am happy to feel it. Today I understood that it’s time to forgive my past and simply to be me, to start building some beautiful memories. Today I remembered how beautiful it is just to be me. I remembered who I really am, what I achieved in my life. I was thinking about the people around me; they were always here for me, even when I was too busy thinking, hiding deep in myself. I have friends and I’m rich because I have their love! I’m proud of who I am!
I fixed the fragments of my power. After a while it is harder to cut on a scar… I am strong again, I’m alive.”
This feeling was embracing her increasingly tighter. Her inner world was in a perfect harmony with all that was happening around her. Her sensitive lips have sipped the last drops of coffee while the wings of her thoughts were waltzing in a beautiful flight of the cured memories. She took a look in the mirror, being happy to see there a smiling face, she took the keys of the car and went out to listen the rain’s softly spoken whispers that were releasing her desires. She went to taste the night. Her soul is free, free like a bird freed from a cage of fears. The feeling of harmony made her more beautiful than she ever was.
She still has a lot of beautiful moments to live, inspiration to write and songs to sing.
Fericirea e iluzorie ca un fluture, nu-l poti prinde… doar ii urmaresti zborul de departe cu priviri triste, resemnate.
Toti vor sa prinda fluturi. Sa-i poarte prinsi in par, pe buze de saruturi insetate. Fluturi pentru inima si vise de implinire neatinse.
Unii calca roi de fluturi sub picioare. Omoara fericiri, iubiri si zambete… Lasand sub pasi urme de dor, dureri si suparare.
Eu imi las fluturii sa zboare, nu mai vreau sa-i prind. O sa-i urmaresc din departare, admirand misterul zborului, tainele caruia gandul mi-l ating.
Fluturi din amintire… purtati de vant, suspendati de cer… Vor sa descopere misterele iubirii, cautand drumul spre nemurire.
Fluturi de dor plecati spre tine in stoluri… De vrei calca-i in picioare, omoara-mi fericirea… Pe petale de crini albi culca-i in cavouri.
De vrei lasa-i sa te atinga, pe pleoape, pe buze, pe palme… Primeste-i langa inima cu dorul meu sa o strapunga.
Imi scald cantecul iubirii in lumina amurgului, taiata in secvente de-al lor zbor. Daca o sa-i primesti langa inima, sa auzi melodia purtata prin lume de aripile lor.
Sa citesti de pe aripi de hartie poezii innebunite de prea mult dor.
Te rog sa le dai foc imediat daca nu vei intelege sensul lor.
Fumul aripilor arse sa se ridice spre albastru, sa se prefaca-n nori, sa ploua peste lume, sa ploua peste flori.
Fluturii tai, valsand peste verdele campiilor in zbor, sa fie ademeniti de parfumul florilor crescute din fumul acelor poezii de dor.
O sa soptesc fluturilor despre visele mele, sa zboare spre Paradis, sa vorbeasca ingerilor despre ele, aruncate demult in abis.
Cat timp a mai ramas? Mult prea putin, cat o viata de fluture…
Ei mor in fericirea zborului, pe cand visele mor cate putin in chinurile dorului…
Cat timp a ramas?
Cat o viata de fluture dureaza fericirea… Fericire n-a mai ramas…
Sub pasii mei cresc nenumarate trepte spre adanc, in timp ce umbra danseaza pe treptele ce urca spre diminetile cu fosnete de paradis. Am ramas pe-o treapta unde visele imi acopera somnul ce ma inghite, ma ademeneste sa dorm un lung destin culegand pe pleoape cicatricile anilor vascosi.
Tot ce mi-a fost dat mi se cuvine… Imi urmez intocmai destinul de pe palme desenat de supremul pictor in ziua lipsita de inspiratie si culori.
Dimineata ma desprind de vraja viselor colorate. Cand deschid ochii, zilele se imbraca in ceata, iar oarbele masti ale noptii se incrusta in pupilele stelate.
Am devenit un trup setos de suferinta, un orb plutind intr-o barca de umbre prin furtuna de culori, naufragiat intr-un final in intuneric.
Ucid navala de lumina cu ochelarii obositi, ce-i port ca pe o masca ascunzand tainele ce trebuie sa ramana in umbra, tainele innoptarii ochilor nedaruiti vederii…
Medicamentele dorm in ascutisul flamand de chin si durere, injecteaza suferinta in ochi, in umbra fara margini ce cutreiera pamantul, in suflet…
O ghiara de iad peste retina imi pedepseste soarta cu un vast taram de ploi. Ultimul tipat al lacrimii pune peste durere flori, sa se reflecte in ochii obscuri… Am sa plang petale…
Oarba, am cerut de la pasari aripi de dragoste si dor, sa le ard in inima mea si sa ma topesc in zborul nascut de fumul lor.
Nu sunt cine am fost, nu sunt cine vreau sa fiu. Nu stiu cine sunt. Port cerul pe umeri si greutatea nestirii legata de picioare. Am invatat frumusetea suferintei, cred ca e tot ce pot sa simt. Cand sageata, cu rugina adormita in tais isi cauta rana, eu stiu ca in sufletul meu o va gasi.
Nervii latra. In umbra mea se ascunde o umbra ce e pregatita sa bea cupa cu venin… o alung, dar prea lunga e reintoarcerea in mine…
Isi analiza gandurile de nenumarate ori in timp ce fumul de tigara ii mangaia sufletul cuprins de regrete. Era mereu ocupat, doar atunci cand fuma isi oferea posibilitatea de a se intalni cu propria persoana, cu visele lasate in umbra timpului, cu sentimentele injectate de iluzii pe care mereu incerca sa le suprime, sa le ascunda in cel mai adanc colt al uitarii, dar e imbatranit de dor, imbolnavit de dragostea plansa de-o viata. Pe chip i se citea o criza grea de melancolie ce rima nefericit de mult cu dragostea de acum cativa ani, inca treaza – o biata poveste din vraja.
Era ademenit de mister si asta il facea slab… Cu o inima atat de sensibila, stia ca dragostea nu este sentimentul cu ajutorul caruia va atinge tainele fericirii. Se consuma, daruia mai mult decat primea in dar.
Nu era un cersetor de sentimente, isi dorea doar sa fie iubit de cea pe care o iubeste de prea mult timp, cu prea multa fiinta. O invita in prea multe ganduri, prea multe nopti vorbea cu ea in vise, ii daruia o infinitate de nopti nedormite cand si-ar fi dorit sa-i daruiasca dragoste pe petale de flori, saruturi in mijlocul strazilor scaldate de ploile primavaratice, cuvinte de dragoste mai sincere ca rugaciunile, fapte mult prea nebunatice fiind imbatat de a dragostei magie, nopti de o dragoste ne mai simtita, fericiri sorbite din cafeaua diminetilor ploioase. Sa-i daruiasca fiecare rasarit de soare, fiecare stea de pe cer, melodii de chitara atarnate de semiluna, imbratisari fierbinti cand se amesteca intunericul cu lumina. I-ar fi alcatuit zilele ca pe o poveste…
Ea i-a oferit in dar o vesnicie de suferinta, amintiri prafuite si vise ingropate in cenusa timpului batran.
De parca Dumnezeu e neputincios si bucuria in el moare… Se lasa purtat prin lume de blestem, isi duce umbra la plimbare pe aleea zilelor uitate de fericire. E toamna in trup, in suflet si in regrete. Tristetea il culege ca pe-o floare. Se alcatuieste ca pe o poezie pe care nu vrea nimeni sa o stie, o poezie din amestec de vise si delir… A inflorit in el durerea si cantecul s-a stins in el.
Lumea de parca a murit de-un veac, de parca maine se va naste…
Oboseala lovea peste ore. Si-a stins tigara, fiind un gest de reprofilare in lumea reala. A pregatit cateva replici standarte pe care le va folosi pentru a-si explica starea in caz ca cineva o sa-i observe urma de tristete si a plecat sa infrunte incercarile unei noi zile, sa alcatuiasca o strofa noua in poezia vietii sale…
Imi zgarai gura cu povesti mult prea frumoase de dragoste, sarut fumul gol fara ca sa-ti simt buzele… De mult timp nu mai scriu poezii, sunt niste gemete chinuite ale coardelor vocale.
Orasul pare a fi strain, a disparut cum un lac dispare sub gheata… Multe au inceput aici, multe au gasit un sfarsit. Multi oameni si-au spus “Adio”, multi si-au unit sufletele pentru o vesnicie…
Parul mi se arunca in vant culegand umbre de speranta si se lasa sarutat de aerul primavaratic…
Imi beau zilele ca pe niste medicamente expirate, m-am obisnuit ca fiecare sentiment sa devina o catastrofa, dragostea sa fie purtata in suflet ca niste caramizi. Tu de parca te ascunzi in ceruri, dupa luna si stele, iar aripile de plumb nu ma lasa sa ajung la ele… Nu ma pot inalta spre cer – pieptul mi-e plin de infern…
Nu stiu, cat se poate sa mai port tristetea in ochii orbiti de dragoste… O sa-i inchid ca sa-mi ascund pupilile incetosate de iluzii si vise naive.
Nu mai sunt poezii, melodii si nici viata, doar ochii tai in orasul de gheata…
Vreau sa te simt aproape…
O sa desenez pe razele soarelui ca pe un portativ, note din saruturi, sa-ti atinga pielea cu melodii luminoase de o dragoste nemaivazuta… O sa mangai cu genele fata aerului pe care il respiri, sa-ti patrunda in plamani, langa suflet atunci cand inspiri… Pe un spin de trandafir o sa-mi imprim atingerea, sa te intepe tandru, sa iti patrunda in sange, sa simti cum iti mangai venele, cum ajung la inima… O sa ating cu palmele vantul, sa se joace-n parul tau, in locul vantului as fi vrut sa fiu eu… O sa imprastii pe strada zambete, acolo pe unde iti calca pasii, sa fii fericit mereu… O sa citesc povesti pentru noapte, luna si stele, sa le prefaca in vise pentru tine, sa le vezi cand somnul te va prinde in ale lui mistere…
Iar eu o sa raman in umbra… O sa imbratisez umerii unui strain si o sa incep a plange ca o nebuna care a fugit din spitalul indragostitilor…
Nu pot sa te ating, nici sa te vad, dar asta nu ma opreste dragoste sa iti ofer… Simte-ma mereu, in tot ce te-nconjoara…
O sa-ti ofer dragoste, nu-mi pasa ca ma golesc, prefer sa raman cine am fost – un copil al singuratatii…
Does this ever happened to you – while listening to a song you get the feeling that the person who wrote this, was stalking you to find inspiration for the song?
For me there is no more destiny. I’m just sailing through life on my boat, alone with the sail of my soul… The days of my life don’t have logic and each night is more and more doubtful. I’m trying to keep my eyes wide open until I’ll finally fall asleep, because if I close them, the images and thoughts from my head would kill my desire to fight for life.
I feel like a dusted plastic flower in the corner of an old, dark room. Around me is a dusted piano, a dusted guitar, cold walls adorned with dusted medals… Here’s no yesterday and no tomorrow, because here’s no life… only dust everywhere.
I tried to keep my balance, in the end to discover how painful it is to fall. I also kept trying to convince my wandering heart, but each fire was a scalding flame that eventually burned me like a piece of paper.
I keep the time in the trunk, close to my dreams, hopes and… love… I’m not strong enough to unlock this rusty catches.
I hide myself inside me, in my poems, in my songs… There is everything about me, there is my dusted soul, words from my heart that cannot be spoken. Somewhere, someone knows the words to the songs I sing… Somewhere, someone realized I wrote about them…
Each song holds memories, feelings… They all are dedicated to someone who made me feel something…Cold feelings warmed in my soul by music. I put feelings in everything I do and say, all I loved, I loved alone, maybe that’s why I’m always exhausted…
I’m always writing songs to someone, that’s how I’m expressing my feelings. I sing because there’s no reason to speak anymore… In every song is living a story, but I’m the song that no one sings… and it’s ok, I’m happy to sing.
“Te privesc cum dormi, de la distanta unui sarut. Zambesti in visele misterioase ce te-au furat de langa mine. Cat as vrea sa-ti vad visele… Sa-ti citesc gandurile… Dorinta de a-ti saruta zambetul imi chinuie sufletul, intrebarile imi ametesc gandul. Oare zambesti pentru ca ma visezi?
Mi-e frica sa te ating, nu vreau sa te trezesc in caz ca ma visezi. Zambesc si eu, sarutandu-ti necontenit visele, privirea mea iti atinge cu dor pielea iar gandul compune cele mai frumoase melodii de dragoste, doar pentru tine, sa te invat sa le canti la chitara cand te vei trezi.
Te privesc la nesfarsit, nu ma pot satura de tine… Ma intreb, ce mi-ai facut?
Sunt aici, langa tine, iti pazesc somnul si visele de realitatea ciudata… Iar atunci cand te vei trezi, tot aici voi fi, sa-ti prefac viata in vis.
Nu stiu cum sa te iubesc, o fac asa cum simt si-mi doresc sa nu te mai indragostesti de nimeni altcineva, sa savurez doar eu dulceata buzelor tale, gustul carora il simt mereu, dulceata carora nu poate fi stearsa nici de ploaie, nici de timp. Doar eu sa-ti ating pielea cu atingeri sculptate de o dragoste nebuna. Doar ochii mei sa-i privesti atunci cand rostesti cuvinte de dragoste, pline de sinceritate si dorinta. Sa respiri doar aerul parfumat de dragostea mea. Vreau sa fii doar a mea…
Dese ori ma intrebam, ce este dragostea? Incercand sa-i dau definitii ma pierdeam in confuzie. Acum stiu… Dragostea esti Tu. Am vrut sa-ti spun toate tainele mele, dar mi-am dat seama ca ai devenit una din ele. Te iubesc… Asta e taina mea…
Acum trezeste-te, deschide ochii sa-ti vad focul viu din privirea ta, sa ma saruti, sa ma imbratisezi… Mi s-a facut dor de tine…”
Gandurile i-au fost intrerupte… Exact in acel moment ea a deschis ochii, privirea ei ii strapungeau sufletul cu sageti nenumarate de fericire. Dormise doar cateva ore insa el simtea ca a asteptat o vesnicie.
Vocea ei somnoroasa a rostit cele mai frumoase cuvinte pe care el le-a auzit vreodata:
“Te-am visat, Leutule. Te iubesc.”
Raspunsul lui tremurand a umplut spatiul cu dragoste, strangand-o tandru la piept i-a zis:
“Cred ca am inceput sa-ti vad visele… Eu te iubesc mai mult.”
Ea nu-si mai dorea nimic altceva decat sa-i simta atingerile:
“Saruta-ma…”
Trupurile lor s-au pierdut intr-un dans plin de dorinta, dor si dragoste…
Daca simti ca iubesti, daruieste-te cu adevarat… Persoana care te-a facut sa simti cel mai frumos sentiment pe care l-a simtit sufletul omului vreodata, merita cele mai frumoase gesturi… Nimic pe lumea asta nu te impiedica sa fii fericit. Uita de frica, pur si simplu iubeste…
I’m feeling dizzy when you smile, something mysterious is happening when our eyes meet unexpectedly…
So speak to me gently, but carefully, I can close my eyes at any moment and sink into your ephemeral fairytale. You can promise me stars, and everything above them, I’ll believe you.
You probably even don’t realize what a devastating wave you are, covering my thoughts and fears. How deep pierce me each word born out of your mouth.
Be careful with them, words are powerful weapons, uplifting and destructive. Be careful with your games, I can get lost in them and you’ll be living in my every word, every glance, every thought and even in my silence.
Her world smells like rain, like forest, with subtle hints of his perfume and cigarettes… It tastes like a strong coffee. Strong but sweet coffee… She wants coffee… She always wants coffee. If you’ll woke her up in the middle of the night and ask if she wants coffee, she would immediately get up from bed and run like crazy.
Now coffee is her love, it tastes like his kisses, the warmth of it is like his embraces and it smells like his perfume. Unfortunately she broke her favorite cup but that’s nothing… he broke her heart.
She’s living a life far away from him… She prays for the wind to sing between them turning her thoughts into ashes and taking her feelings far away from her soul…
She’s naive and sincere, if she’s hurt – she cries, she can read minds, she’s cute – sometimes likened to a child, she’s beautiful, a lot of people told her about it, she is neurotic and hysterical often inventing problems for herself, she has big eyes and naive heart. She smells so tasty, just like happiness. She wants to be strong, she wants to be cold but it’s all stupid… She is real, she is strange – strange, stupid, lonely, but alive and real…
In the evenings she’s dreaming about dreams, touching with her lashes the air, listening how wind is singing.
In the mornings, she’s afraid of her glance in the mirror, she can’t explain to herself the silence that traps her, the silence that is so loud.
Now he’s a warm wind on her palms and the smell of autumn in her hair. Black eyes in her memory. A strong coffee on her lips. Songs of love in her player. He’ll remain an unfinished coffee in a Sunday morning. Some tears with sugar at the bottom of her cup… She just remembers him.
All she’s feeling is real. A sort of allegory of mourning with a cup of coffee in hands and an aching heart. Spiritual crisis, a quiet one and without drama, maybe just a little.
She doesn’t like when someone climbs into her soul, reminds her about what she tries so desperately to hide, about all this pain, this fear. They can not even imagine how difficult it is to fight once again with yourself. She’s trying not to look inside herself and she wants everyone not to do it too, she’s trying to find comfort in her pain, she’s ok like that, so don’t interfere.
Обнимает меня твоими руками, чужая тень в твоей старой одежде, оставляя за собой молчаливое одиночество, мысли о тебе нескончаемым припевом и запах души твоей, что пахнет ангелами несущие в руках лилии.
Упади дождём, вонзись глубоко в меня и что бы последняя капля была бы слезой радости, на щеках моих счастьем забытые…
Выбросись с небо, что бы я поймала тебя в свои мокрые ладони, спрячься в моих волосах, отдохни на моих ресницах…
Спрячь от меня солнце, не дай прикоснутся к моим глазам, оставь мне серый цвет дней и туманное изображение…
Пока я буду смотреть на небо, зацелуй мои губы, утопи их в своих каплях нежности, не смывая с них сладко-горький вкус кофе и аромат воспоминаний…
Я чувствую тебя в каждой капли дождя… Я пыталась убежать от тебя, но дождь по всюду… всегда догоняет меня…
Mi-au incaruntit sperantele in mintea innourata de ganduri, sub cerul dorintelor imposibile si viselor secrete… Tot incerc sa inchid ochii in fata lucrurilor pe care nu vreau sa le vad, dar nu pot inchide inima in fata sentimentelor pe care nu vreau sa le simt… Nimic nu mi se pare mai greu decat sa nu ma dezamagesc pe mine insumi.
In preajma gandului infinit, fara spatiu si timp, uneori simt incapacitatea de a construi un viitor, invesmantata cu atat de multe iluzii in frigul acestei lumi cu nume de durere…
Vreau sa suprim indoielile de maine, insa inima nu poate uita indiferenta si zilele singuratice parfumate de tristete. Universul meu e condamnat sa ramana gol inca odata, vegheat de singuratate – o fecioara sculptata-n piatra, care a fost mutilata de un sculptor mult prea romantic.
Vreau sa cred in ceva dincolo de mine, in ceva ce nu se poate auzi sau mirosi… ca speranta, ca dragostea… Noi toti simtim nevoia de a crede in ceva pentru a trai…
Imi ramane sa tac, sa ma ascund si sa ma topesc… Sentimentele si visele sa le alung in cel mai adanc colt al sufletului meu, sa rasara si sa apuna in liniste, ca stelele in noapte. O sa traiesc in mine insumi, am o lume intreaga in sufletul meu, tainica si magica, pe care galagia din afara o suprima… Si vreau sa stau singura, sa strig, sa dansez, sa plang, sa rad si nimeni sa nu ma poata vedea, auzi sau judeca…
“I’m trapped in my own little world, but it’s ok… they know me there…”
The answer came early in the morning to the rhythm of a street festival… What was happening wasn’t new. Things were moving around me, but I stayed in the same place that I have been all my life. With my values, my ethics, with my morals. And when you are like that, you can’t cover your eyes, but even if you think you know how things should be, the reality is that things are simple how they are. And in that, you find happiness…
You can dedicate many sleepless nights to rethinking your past love, the reality is that you’ll find very few solutions. You can try and repair any relationship but the last result will always be the same. In one moment, it’ll shatter into pieces like so many did before, because a person represents what he/ she is, and it’s not easy to stop being who you are in order to love someone. It’s almost like a fight you’ve lost before it began. That’s why I think it would be great if relationships come with expiration dates, like yogurts. In this way we’d know beforehand when the end comes and we wouldn’t waste time on insecurities, suspicions or arguments, we’d dedicate ourselves to cherish every single moment until the last possible second. There is something else about it, the good think about not having expiration dates, this fact has always kept us dreaming, that this time the yogurt will last forever.
We have 2 arms and 2 feet, and we also have the capacity to love, to want to touch each other, to feel under our fingers a heart that beats fast in the emotions’ rhythm , to kiss each other… There are many types of kisses. Kisses of passion, kisses of friendship, kisses that don’t say anything and kisses that say everything. Maybe that’s why a kiss means so much, because after you give it, there isn’t any need to speak. Everything has already been said.
To love is not easy… and we all are trying to make it as hard and complicated as if it’s not enough… Falling in love is a reflex, something that you can’t learn or control… it’s like being afraid or breathing… Love is like a home… The doors, the windows, the furniture, the coffee, the empty space near you in bed… Love is everything. To love is also to understand rejection, to understand that you’re going to get hurt, you’re going to suffer, you’re going to cry. It’s to understand that things are very different from matrimony. Today you marry and will you live happily ever after? It’s not true …
I’ve learned something… I’ve learned that it’s not a sin when you hold someone so tight that you feel you are merged, you feel like there’s no beginning and end… but, if it’s a sin… then I’m a sinner, because the only God I believe in is Love.
Am fost un copil neinfricosat. Fantomele nu imi inspirau frica si nici monstrii sau intunericul. Ma uitamt sub pat fiind complet sigura ca acolo nu se ascund scheleti sau vampiri…
Strigam, saream la bataie chiar si la baieti mai mari si mai puternici decat mine, atunci cand credeam ca am dreptate sau atunci cand simteam ca trebuie sa apar pe cineva… Mereu am simtit instinctul de a proteja, in deosebi atunci cand venea vorba de sora mea. Este mai mare, mai puternica decat mine din punct de vedere moral, dar mereu cand se certa cu cineva sau o suparau trebuia sa ma bag si eu in seama, sa strig si eu un pic, sa sar cu pumnii la toti, pentru ca nu asta ma facea sa simt frica…
Ceea ce ma face sa ma tem cu adevărat este faptul ca pot comite ceva ce nu voi putea schimba maine si niciodata… Frica de a gresi, de a nu putea oferi persoanelor dragi ceea ce asteapta intr-adevar de la mine, ca atunci cand o sa vorbesc din toata inima o sa fiu inteleasa gresit… Mi-e frica ca nu o sa reusesc sa fac ceea spre ce tind cu toata fiinta mea, ca timpul o sa treaca iar eu o sa raman in acelasi loc, cu aceleasi vise si sperante… Imi inspira frica gandul ca cei, ce vreau atat de mult sa stea langa mine, pur si simplu o sa plece si o sa ma lase sa infrunt lumea asta in singuratate. Mi-e frica ca nu o sa observ lacrimile si durerea celor care au nevoie de umarul meu sa planga, nu o sa le spun cuvintele potrivite pentru a le alina sufletele. Ma face sa simt frica gandul ca nu sunt o prietena adevarata pentru cei ce imi sunt prieteni adevarati…
Simt ca trebuie sa fac ceva iar eu nu fac. Oare o sa inteleg ce trebuie sa fac cu adevarat? O sa ma regasesc, fiind ratacita de prea mult timp? Mi-e frica ca nu o sa inteleg cine sunt eu. Mi-e frica de ceata, ca o sa ma lase sa-mi traiesc viata fara imagini si culori. Mi-e frica ca nu o sa reusesc sa spun lumii ceea ce e in sufletul meu, prin muzica si versuri… Sunt multe …
Dar stiu sigur un lucru, frica este ceea ce ne impiedica sa fim fericiti cu adevarat …
Inca ma gandesc la tine… Au cazut atatea ploi – am sperat ca vor spala toate amintirile, vanturi puternice – am crezut ca ma vor ajuta sa-mi alung sentimentele carora le esti stapan. Dar gandul meu incapatinat inca iti mai atinge chipul, sperantele mult prea fantastice inca imi mai srapung inima, iar dorul insolent inca imi mai invita lacrimile la dans.
Te simt langa mine, iti simt respiratia ce-mi mangaia umarul, aud soaptele ce ma vrajeau, cand buzlele tale imi atingeau urechea printre cuvintele dulci cu care obisnuiai sa ma alinti. Simt si fiorii ce ma lasau prizoniera in mijlocul imbratisarilor din care nu vroiam sa scap. Nu pot uita nici privirea ce ma facea sa ma pierd in spatiu ca o stea ce moare. Nici sarutul buzelor cu gust de cafea, cu fiecare sarut deveneam tot mai dependenta… Diminetile cand imi sarutai ochii… doar tu aveai voie sa-i atingi… Acum ochii imi lucesc, nu pentru ca reflecta lumina lumanarii, ci pentru ca incearca sa ascunda lacrimile ce nu au voie sa cada. Nimic nu poate descrie sentimentele ce danseaza cu aceste amintiri.
Cum pot sa iubesc atat de mult, cand mi-a ramas doar o jumatate de inima? Cum sa mai privesc spre viitor cand ochii imi sunt legati de umbrele trecutului? Am ramas o flacara in vant… O straina in lumea mea…
Inc-o zi mi-a pictat sperante colorate pe panza alba a sufletului meu ratacit. Un cer verzui deasupra lumii mele singuratice, unde-mi cant melodiile alb-negre, melodiile ce sterg lacrimile versurilor mele inlacramate.
Un soare purpuriu, vanat de norii argentii ce danseaza Paso Doble cu vulturii viselor mele multicolore… Cu vise vreau sa-mi colorez realitatea stravezie, dar ele zboara prea departe de pamant ca sa le pot atinge, iar eu inca nu am invatat sa zbor. Respir adanc, incercand sa le simt cat mai aproape…
Copaci rosii ai dragostei, din care au ramas doar radacini impanzite in amintirile ce incearca sa ma rapeasca in trecut…
Flori galbene pe campul gandurilor mele ce cauta sa-mi descopere culoarea sufletului, ganduri pe care uneori nu le pot intelege nici eu… Un vant roz ce strapunge spatiul, atinge tandru si gratios petalele visatoare, raspandeste mireasma lor si-mi parfumeaza aerul… Respir cu parfum…
Fluturi aurii ce-mi pazesc tainele inimii pe care gandul le atinge in fiecare noapte cand somnul nu ma prinde. Doar luna si stelele stiu ce ascunde inima mea nelinistita…
Asta este peisajul sentimentelor mele… Asa arata lumea mea pe care pot sa o vad in ciuda cetei dense ce mi-a rapit jumatate din imagini… si nu am nevoie de doctori ca sa pot vedea culorile vietii.
Avem o infinitate de culori in care putem sa ne pictam lumea. Noi suntem pictorii propriilor vieti.
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